Don't you just love my tan?

We're back! Tanned, rested, and not hung over anymore. Senors & senoritas, it was FABulous (Si, charge that to my room, por favor. Gracias.)

Ten things you need to know about Acapulco:

1) They have different money there, but that's okay because Babycakes had it figured out in about 5 minutes so I let her pay for everything.

2) The taxi drivers are fucking nuts. They drive their blue-and-white VW beetles like bats-out-of-hell. Acapulco is a city of hills and they use leaded gasoline so I was immediately car sick whenever we drove anywhere.

3) The so-called "Mexican" food we have here in Louisville is NOT authentic. I love Qdoba but it's so wrong.

4) You can spend money every 5 seconds there because someone will always just walk up to you and ask you if you want to buy something. This is not necessarily a bad thing, unless what they want you to buy is a timeshare.

5) If you ask where the bathroom is in Spanish, they will answer you in Spanish. This is not helpful. Just speak English if you only know three words in Spanish. Everyone will be a lot happier.

6) Canadians LOVE Acapulco in the Winter. They were everywhere, speaking French and drinking. Well, everyone was drinking but the Canadians were louder except for those assholes from Chicago.

7) Beer "prepared" is lovely. I want to drink it everyday. You fill a salt-rimmed glass with ice, put about 3 ounces of fresh-squeezed lime juice in it and then pour the beer on top. I wouldn't try it with Guinness but Babycakes had it with Negra Modela and proclaimed it mighty fine.

8) They have Walmart, McDonalds, Burger King, and CSI on TV. Jeez, we can't go anywhere anymore without being assaulted by American commerce.

9) I thought the two-for-one drinks didn't have any alcohol in them until I tried to stand up. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself.

10) Don't even think about paying $18 per person to watch the famous Acapulco Cliff Divers "from a comfortable restaurant, two drinks included." If you must go, pay the $3 to stand on the terrace with the natives. Or better yet, don't go and tell everyone you did.

The forecast: 90 degrees and sunny

I have learned all the spanish I need to know. Cerveza (beer) and baño (bathroom). I'm ready for Acapulco.

Babycakes was rummaging around in the liquor cabinet last night, asking, "Do we have any tequila?"

"No, why?" I answered.

"Because I was going to practice," says she.

Back in a while.

Next time, the Reuben

Babycakes and I found ourselves in (shhhh, don't tell anyone) the suburbs today so we had lunch at Naiman's Deli.

"Uncle Leo said the corned beef was good here," says babycakes. I trust Uncle Leo so I ordered the corned beef with spicy mustard on rye. Babycakes got tuna on rye. I'm not a pickle-eater so I gave mine to her.

I just have one thing to say about my lunch: OH -- MY -- GOD.

No, seriously. It was that good. The corned beef was sliced paper thin and piled about four inches tall. The rye bread was homemade or imported from New York or someplace where they know how to make rye bread (not here) and they let us buy a half-loaf to take home. Babycakes also bought a jar of pickles and treated me to a candy bar called Halvah, a chocolate-covered sesame seed something which prompted me to whine "Why have you never told me about these before now?"

But just about then we saw them: the reuben sandwiches. Unbelievable. These are no ordinary sandwiches, they are masterpieces of sandwich-making. Next time, the reuben. You can come with.

According to Dr. Mary

Dr. Mary, Veterinarian Woman, lives way out in the country. When I met her I imagined her treating puppies and kitties and, well, she does that, but also treats large animals. She tells stories we don't get hear very often here in town. I tell her she needs a blog. Until she gets one, here's one of her stories:

According to Dr. Mary, right after the recent snowfall her neighbor asked her to go out to take a look at her cow:

" ... Mrs. M. says the cow is standing in the snow, and not really doing much, but just seems to be standing there, and could I come look at her, because there is maybe something hanging from her back end, but she can't really see, but the cow is just standing there ...

"The cow looked at me, and I looked at her. We were pretty happy there in the snow. I had remembered to take some feed, and she seemed to think that it looked better than the alternative which was, you guessed it, SNOW. So, she commenced to eating, and I pitched my rope. I was having a good day. But, she wasn't all that sure that she needed to keep my company. She started off, and I managed to catch my end around the fence post. Her end was about 30 feet away.

"I couldn't see anything wrong with the cow, but I didn't want to have come all that way, and miss something. If she were trying to have a calf, well, I needed to check it out. Unfortunately, with 30 feet of rope slack, I had a pretty poor chance of keeping her still. And, she being about twelve hundred pounds, and me being considerably less, well, she pretty much had me where she wanted me.

"Now you cannot hold a cow with a rope wrapped half way around a pole. You pretty much have to get a full turn around it, or the laws of physics will win out. So I jumped on the other end of the rope.

"I hadn't gotten to play in the snow yet, but cow sledding wasn't what I had in mind. The cow took off at a good a clip in 8 inches of snow. Down the hill and back up again we went, not a bad ride until she decided to relieve herself. That did add a little to the degree of difficulty, avoiding the land mines."

Cow sledding. And this, children, is why we live in town.