Friday, January 7, 2005

According to Dr. Mary

Dr. Mary, Veterinarian Woman, lives way out in the country. When I met her I imagined her treating puppies and kitties and, well, she does that, but also treats large animals. She tells stories we don't get hear very often here in town. I tell her she needs a blog. Until she gets one, here's one of her stories:

According to Dr. Mary, right after the recent snowfall her neighbor asked her to go out to take a look at her cow:

" ... Mrs. M. says the cow is standing in the snow, and not really doing much, but just seems to be standing there, and could I come look at her, because there is maybe something hanging from her back end, but she can't really see, but the cow is just standing there ...

"The cow looked at me, and I looked at her. We were pretty happy there in the snow. I had remembered to take some feed, and she seemed to think that it looked better than the alternative which was, you guessed it, SNOW. So, she commenced to eating, and I pitched my rope. I was having a good day. But, she wasn't all that sure that she needed to keep my company. She started off, and I managed to catch my end around the fence post. Her end was about 30 feet away.

"I couldn't see anything wrong with the cow, but I didn't want to have come all that way, and miss something. If she were trying to have a calf, well, I needed to check it out. Unfortunately, with 30 feet of rope slack, I had a pretty poor chance of keeping her still. And, she being about twelve hundred pounds, and me being considerably less, well, she pretty much had me where she wanted me.

"Now you cannot hold a cow with a rope wrapped half way around a pole. You pretty much have to get a full turn around it, or the laws of physics will win out. So I jumped on the other end of the rope.

"I hadn't gotten to play in the snow yet, but cow sledding wasn't what I had in mind. The cow took off at a good a clip in 8 inches of snow. Down the hill and back up again we went, not a bad ride until she decided to relieve herself. That did add a little to the degree of difficulty, avoiding the land mines."

Cow sledding. And this, children, is why we live in town.

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