Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Who you callin' a pygmy, chimp?

With a free afternoon in San Diego last week I did what any sane Kentuckian would do in January -- I spent it outdoors in the sunshine. I went to the zoo.

There I learned that this world-renowned zoo, famous for its collection of monkeys and apes, LIES TO VISITORS. There is no such thing as a pygmy chimp. The real name for the animal they have is bonobo. Bonobos are no more related to chimpanzees than humans.

I learned all of this when I asked a man for directions. I held out my map, pointed to the icon marked "pygmy chimps" and asked "How do I get here?"

"You are here!" he shouted. "These are bonobos. There's no such thing as a pygmy chimp."

"But the map says ..." I tried to say.

"Well, let me explain it to you," the man began.

Forty minutes into the lecture I told him, "Thank you but I need to get over to the tortoises before the zoo closes," and escaped.

The bonobos were cute. They looked just like little chimps.

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