Obsessive + Compulsive = Nutcase

Some days it's worse than others.

The people who live with me are well aware of my towel folding neurosis. They see me coming with a laundry basket full of clean towels and they run. I just believe that there's a right way and a wrong way to fold towels. I happen to know the right way. I'll teach you if you want me to.

I could blame it on my mother. She wore sets of matching nitegowns, robes and slippers. Her underwear drawer was arranged by color. All of her shoes were in boxes stacked neatly on the shelf of the closet. The only time I ever saw my mother without her nail polish she was hospitalized. (Oh God, she must be really sick! Look at her fingernails!)

These days I spend a lot of time wiping off sinks. Every single time I walk into the kitchen that sink gets wiped. At work, I fill my coffee cup and then I wipe the sink in the kitchenette. I wipe the sink after I wash my hands in the bathroom. It doesn't matter if the bathroom is at home, at work, in a restaurant or a gas station. The sink gets wiped.

And I am constantly opening or closing doors. Doors have to be either all the way open or all the way closed. When they are in between I get nervous. The same is true for drawers or cabinets except that they must always be closed unless you are taking something out or putting something in. And it shouldn't take you very long to get that done. I'd say fewer than 5 seconds should be the optimum time to have a cabinet or drawer open.

And make sure it's completely closed when you're finished, okay?

Things I've learned (while spending the weekend in the woods)

When the Web site says the cabin "sleeps 8" the correct response should be BULLSHIT.
Even after Kelly pitched her tent (that's right) on the upper deck and Carolyn inflated her air mattress on the floor we still didn't have enough sleeping space.

Eight women sure can bring a lot of stuff for three days.
We had an entire box of videotapes (no, we didn't watch any) and I think a hundred magazines. Besides tents (!) and air mattresses and folding furniture and enough food to feed a small country we also had a complete, professional-grade karaoke machine (with two microphones). My number was a spoken-word version of House of the Rising Sun.

Even a half-mile hike can be strenuous.
The trail was nicely marked in the nearby state park -- .05 miles. What we didn't realize was the elevation change of approximately 500 feet. Imagine a staircase. Now imagine that there are no stairs, only mud, rocks and roots. Just a walk in the woods girls, we're almost there, really.

All the "cool" people wear my shoes
I just bought a pair of Chacos, which are very nice and I highly recommend them. However, I've started to notice that they are very, very popular. We came off the mountain long enough to eat pizza at the place where all the climbers, rappellers and kayakers hang out and I counted about 50 pairs of Chacos. I'm not sure yet whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

I love air conditioning
Sweat and sleep do not mix. And getting completely naked was not an option. It was hot. Once again, the Web site lied. The cabin had a pretty poor excuse that they claimed was an air conditioner plus a fan. But we had ice. And tequila. And beer. I survived.

Eight women, one cabin

Inventory for a weekend to be spent in the woods:

Women - 8
Tequila - 1 Litre
Board Games - 5
Books to read in the hammock - 4
Bottles of bug repellent - 4
Computers - 0

Scrambled eggs

My body has served me well over the past 50 years. Unlike many other baby boomers I've never hated my body or wished it to be other than it is. But now I've decided that it would be just-fine-with-me-thank-you if my body stopped producing eggs. I don't need them anymore. Menopause, I welcome you.

I've never considered menstruation to be "a curse." My cycles are regular and my periods have always been brief and pain-free. All forms of birth control worked for me with no side effects. And when I wanted to get pregnant, I did, immediately.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not interested in losing my ovaries or uterus or going on hormone replacement therapy. I'm just ready for the estrogen levels to change and stay changed.